


I just don't know what went wrong.

by Madeline69



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: F/F, I don't know how to tag this without spoiling it, Imaginary Friends, Psychological Trauma, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 00:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21188492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madeline69/pseuds/Madeline69
Summary: Derpy Hooves comes to an unfortunate realization about her friendship with Rainbow Dash, and does everything she can to keep it a secret.





	I just don't know what went wrong.

It’s a funny thing to realize you’re not real. 

You figured you just had a bad memory, stuck to your routines easily, and not much else. You had friends, but prefer to talk to people who talk a lot. You’re not a good listener, but they understand. 

Some ponies called you retarded. You didn’t like that word, but you see their point: you’re slow, and that’s okay. It’s comfortable to be slow. Nopony expects anything of you besides the occasional delivery, to stand next to you and soak up that good, good “I’m friends with a disabled!” energy, and - on occasion - a sympathetic smile.

You’re actually a great listener.

One of your friends is named Rainbow Dash. She’s one of your closest friends, in fact. Nopony knows Dash better than you do. You see her every day, most days she’s too busy to talk, but when she gets going, it’s hard to listen to anything but her voice.

It’s really hard to listen to anything but her voice.

It must be really hard being Rainbow Dash, you think.

That’s why she made you, you think.

You feel silly for not putting it together sooner, but then, you don’t have a great memory. And besides, anypony would struggle to believe that they shared a body with another pony if they could also, at times, see that pony. Even a smart mare like Twilight would have taken a while to figure this one out, and you - according to everypony you meet - are no smart mare.

But you’re smart enough to be scared. Smart enough to keep this revelation to yourself when ‘Rainbow Dash’ comes to visit. 

“Hey Derpy.” She was cool, as always. She really had no idea. You started to wonder if you would remember after the next changeover. Your eyes start to lull as they always do when she comes around. It’s hard to hallucinate an entire other pony with your vision perfectly focused.

“Hi Rainbow Dash!” You thank your goofy voice quietly, grateful as it pitches your worry into the same detached cheerfulness. You wonder what it must be like to show your feelings by accident. “What’s up?”

And she shoots off like a bolt, recounting everything thats been bothering her since the last time you talked. It gives you a strange sense of satisfaction to listen to her like this, almost as though it’s what you’re made for. You fail to put that together in the way it’s written. In fact, you don’t get it by design.

Your mind starts to wander as Rainbow Dash talks, her outline blurring with the rest of your vision as you struggle to be a good listener. You wonder if Rainbow Dash will get rid of you once she finds out. You know she’ll find out eventually, you’re not very good at keeping secrets.

That’s one thing about you, nopony tells you a secret unless they want the whole town to know. You’re really not good at secrets, Derpy Hooves.

“Derpy? Are you even listening.” It’s hard to say what is actually happening as Rainbow Dash waves her forehoof in front of your eyes. In reality: nothing. You are sitting in a room talking to yourself.

“Oh jeez…” You kick at the floor. “I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, I just-” You let out a yawn. It’s so hard to stay awake around your best friend. “I just am so sleepy.”

“Aw…” Rainbow Dash gives you a familiar smile. “That’s okay, bud. I could use a nap too.” 

And so, Rainbow Dash curls up next to you, and the two of you fall asleep together.

* * *

You choose not to question why you - Rainbow Dash - are once again unable to wake Derpy up. You panicked the first time, flying your fastest to bring back a doctor, embarrassed when she had apparently gotten up and wandered off without you. She was funny like that. It frustrated you when you had to do weather together, but when you were alone, together, her little quirks were just… well… adorable.

You know that’s not a word you’re supposed to use on disabled ponies just for being disabled, but it’s true. She’s just adorable. Any time you question why the two of you are friends, the image of a caring, kind and kind of dumb, pony leaps to the front of your mind.

You’ve learned a lot from Derpy Hooves. She makes you a better friend.

She just makes you feel better.

You think that’s enough, especially for a busy pony like you.

Speaking of busy, it’s time to get to work. Applejack’s sendoff is today, and you have to make sure everything is just right. You gather your weather maps, stuff a rolled-up banner into your saddlebag, and set off. Flying comes as easy as walking, comes as easy as just standing still, and soon enough you’re lost in thought.

* * *

You hate it when the changeover happens while the two of you are doing the weather. It makes sense now, how you could in one moment be carefree, watching Rainbow push clouds around, and the next - in a lapse of memory - be up there yourself.

You don’t know anything about the weather. You barely know anything about mail. 

You hate this, more than anything you hate not knowing what you’re doing. If you make a mistake making muffins, you know generally under what framework the mistake happened. You can work past a blank spot in your memory because you know generally what a muffin is supposed to have in it.

The same is not true for clouds. 

In fact, you are so out in open water, that you can taste your heart in the back of your throat. You feel - as you often do when you’re overwhelmed - the urge to release negative energy, coiling like the mechanism in a toaster. This is normal for you. You stomp your hooves and let it out.

And nearly hit Rainbow Dash with the resulting lightning bolt.

And now she is staring directly at you.

* * *

The first thought that pulls you out of your work is: “what the hell is Derpy doing up on that cloud?” followed, with a slight delay, buy the smell of your burning tail. She could get hurt up there.

“Careful, Derpy.” It comes out a little harsher than you imagined, but it’s hard not to sound mean when you yell. You swoop up, not sure yet what you plan on saying when you get close enough.

“You don’t want to do any more damage than you’ve already done.” Sweet Celestia, you don’t even know what you’ve done. You wish your stupid face would do anything but grin as your body struggles to push out the toxic runoff of bad thoughts your mind is currently producing.

“I just don’t know what went wrong.” You stammer as a series of hops sends lightning through your body. You really ought to get off this cloud.

“Yeah, it’s a mystery.” And like that, any semblance of an idea of what is going on evaporates. Rainbow Dash is mad at you. You find it hard to gauge just how mad, but you figure it’s safe to say as mad as possible. 

She needs to go away for a little bit. You feel guilty as you come upon that thought, but you don’t know what you told her, you don’t know if she’s in the process of getting rid of her. You say something, probably total babble, as you bump a loose piece of the town hall. You know she can’t resist being a hero. She’ll swoop in, try to catch it, fail, and be harmlessly knocked unconscious. Then you can bring the two of you home, and if you’re lucky, she’ll have forgotten.

* * *

Your wings seem to do nothing to slow the fall of the massive wooden beam.

Your body feels nothing as you crash through the floor below and into the town hall’s basement.

You don’t feel anything as you’re pinned below the massive slab of wood.

You don’t feel anything as you slip out.

You don’t feel anything.

* * *

“You okay Rainbow Dash?” You ask, trying not to betray your hope for a ‘no’ as you scan through the basement. Dash is free. Your face falls. You try to hide it. She’s going to find out. “Anything I can do to help?” You offer, a weak attempt to reaffirm your place as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

And then it dawns on you. 

Rainbow Dash needs you.

It doesn’t matter if she knows, she needs to be Derpy Hooves sometimes. Because of that, she’ll never get rid of you.

Still,

Better not to tell her unless you have to.


End file.
